Barely Hanging On...

Ever felt like you are standing at the edge of a mountain cliff and one small move will throw you over. Ever held back your tears so much that your heart started aching.

I was told today that I am stronger than I know, I thought if you only knew, why must I always pull myself together. Why is it so important to always have a hold on everything.

My reason was staring in the eye... my screensaver at least, my almost seven month old. She is has no idea the impact she makes in my life. I have to be here and be strong for her. Today I feel like the world is conspiring against me. Nothing is going right. Actually feel really alone right now. There are certain things that you cannot share with others, no one will understand. I am sure I am not the only one that feels that way. Some might say that I am having a pity party for myself. Maybe I am, I honestly don't know. Its just that right now, I literally want to disappear... but there is tiny voice in my heart saying its not so bad mummy, I need you.

Your child is what will keep you holding on when everything is falling apart... I will like to burst out in tears and curse the world right now. But I will not. I am shaping a child's mind, her personality at the moment. How I act or choose to react will shape her thinking. I never ever want my daughter to be like me. I want so much more for her. That's is why despite how I am feeling, despite my situation I am in, tonight when I fetch her, I will smile...